A knock on the door the next morning woke Emma up.
She didn’t know how long the knocking had been going on, rubbing at her eyes as the sound registered in her mind. She opened her eyes to see Chase lying in front of her, facing her. She pushed off the covers and got out of bed, then pulled them back over him. She'd fallen asleep with clothes on so she just pulled on a jacket and ran her fingers through her hair, then left the room to go answer the door.
It was lighter in the hall than her room, where she still had the curtains closed. There was no alarm to get her up mornings, and after the exhaustion she'd felt yesterday, she could have slept more. Besides, she didn’t need to go to work. She did wonder what time it was and who was on her doorstep, though.
"I'm coming!" she shouted when another round of knocking started, even harder, more impatient than before.
She rubbed her face, wishing she could go see what her face looked like first, but the person behind her door sounded like they would break it down if she didn’t get there quicker, so they must have been knocking for a while.
When she opened the door, she was greeted by a police officer. She felt her heart seize up for a second, before realizing there couldn’t be anything wrong. Even if the boys from the other night had reported her, highly unlikely, she didn’t know them and there was no reason why they would know where she lived.
She put on a wan smile, folding her arms across her chest and snuggling in her jacket. The sun was out, but it was still a bit cold.
"Hello, officer. Can I do something for you?"
"No, ma'am. We're making rounds all over the neighborhood, though I understand it’s a little early. Do you live alone?"
She narrowed her eyes, the past couple of days making her a little suspicious.
"Uh, no. I live with my sister and grandmother, and a friend of mine is staying over. I think they're all asleep."
He gave a sharp nod. "I just wanted to inform you of a new curfew being enforced."
That threw her. "Curfew," she repeated unsure.
"Yes, ma'am."
"But why?"
"Well, it seems some shops were broken into during the night, and we don’t want any more chaos continuing. It's for the sake of public safety. Be sure to be indoors at dark."
It made sense. The boys last night wouldn’t have been the only ones with the idea. She and Chase were lucky to make it back without coming by any more trouble.
"Pass the message on to your family and your friend, please. We don’t want any more chaos continuing. We're also looking for volunteers to help with patrols, running errands and communicating with neighboring towns while we try to get a handle on the situation at hand. If you or anyone in your household is interested, you can sign up at the police station."
That perked her up a little. She said goodbye to the officer and watched him go to her neighbor's place, then got back inside and closed the door.
Any other time, she would never have entertained the idea. If she hadn't been at that crash site as a near victim, or even just a spectator, then seeing what went on yesterday, she would have let it all go and hole herself at home. She was getting the time away from work she'd been asking for, even though the circumstances were less than ideal. But she had no idea when, if at all, she could go back.
She wasn’t used to just doing nothing. Even when she didn’t like it, Emma never just gave up and lied down. She couldn’t do much to help before, but this... it would be a true help to society, at least the one they were currently stuck in. Besides, if she could be out there helping, it would make her feel better than just staying at home, babysitting her family and waiting for something to happen.
Sound on the stairs behind her brought her out of her mind, and she turned to see Chase had woken up. Well, it made sense, her grandmother and sister usually got up around midmorning and it was too cold out to be later than eight.
"Good morning."
He peered at her curiously as he stopped at the bottom step. "Morning." Then he frowned. "Did something happen?"
Chase was all too perceptive for his own good, though more for hers in this case. After his reaction last night, she was almost certain what his reaction would be. She couldn’t lie to him, though. As soon as she invited him to stay over, it became both of them going forward and working together. Besides, what was she going to tell him when she kept leaving every day? Neither of them had reason to go out anymore.
"A cop came by. They're going around, knocking on doors. They're enforcing a new curfew, for after dark."
He hummed. "I guess that makes sense. After last night I can't believe other places didn’t get hit. We were lucky enough to get back in one piece."
"That's what I thought," she murmured.
He was still standing there, clearly guessing there was more to say. She took a breath, weighed the pros and cons of telling him now, or waiting for her grandmother so he would have to behave himself. But then she sighed and leaned back against the door.
"They're also taking volunteers to help out patrol the area at night. Also to run errands, and help communicating with neighboring towns, though there aren’t any details on the other two."
They stood staring at each other for a moment, before Chase scowled at her. She sighed again, knowing what was about to come out of his mouth.
"It's dangerous Emma."
"Don’t you think I know that? They wouldn’t be asking for volunteers if they didn’t really need it, though. I'm doing it anyway."
He cursed under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Emma, why. Why do you want to sign up for something like that?"
She wanted to ask why he wouldn’t, but she knew he wasn’t into violence. Not that she was, but it made sense he would rather avoid it. As for everything else, if he really wasn’t up to it, she couldn’t make him join. If she really insisted, it would take some time, but she was confident she could get him to do it. not that she would, if he didn’t want to do it at all.
"I want to help in any way I can."
"What about your family? Who'll help them?"
She winced. "They'll be staying at home. If the patrols work the way the police hope they do, then they won't be in any danger."
"I'm thinking more about what happens to them if something happens to you out there. You realize the current situation means no hospitals, right?"
Emma glared back at him. She hadn't forgotten about that. She knew, if she got harmed, there might be a trained medic to look at her, but there was only so much that would do for her depending on how hurt she got. But it wasn’t like she was going into this to get herself injured.
"I just have to be careful." She saw him about to argue and held up a hand for him to wait. "The situation is going to get back if it doesn't get monitored."
"I get that, but why do you have to be a part of it?" he argued.
She gave him a pleading look, silently asking him to understand her. "Remember, Chase, that if we can keep the town living normally, we may be able to return to normality when the power is sorted out. I know it will never be anything like it was before, but it could be a lot worse if we just sit and wait for it."
'Sit and wait' wasn’t exactly in her vocabulary, anyway. She didn’t need his permission. They were friends, and she was offering him shelter, but she wouldn’t let anyone but herself run her life, make choices for her. This was her choice, and he would have to accept it.
He didn’t answer right away, because he didn’t have an answer for logic. He knew, in part, she was right. Whether or not there was a chance for everything getting back to normal, it wouldn’t exactly be possible if everything was destroyed when the chance came by.
"Besides, I'm hoping I can count on you to look after my family for me in case something does happen."
"No!"
She startled, jumping back and bumping into the door at the uncharacteristic shout, her eyes wide. Chase took a couple of steps closer before he stopped and fisted his hands at his sides. There was a fierce look on his face, in his eyes, that Emma didn’t think she'd ever seen before. It wasn’t enough to scare her, he was acting strange but he was still her best friend, though it did make her weary.
"Chase?"
He made a noise in his throat that sounded half growl. "Emma, you can't. Please. Or have you already forgotten the trouble we ran into last night?"
"I remember I handled the situation just fine," she pointed out. "Not in the best of ways, I'll admit, and I hated being I that situation at all. But I'll be okay."
"You don’t know that, though," he argued, taking another, more controlled step forward. "I told you before, didn’t I? When people get desperate, being armed doesn’t mean as much as you'd hope it to. Especially not when it will be you against several other people if you end up meeting more groups like last night."
They had another staring contest, but Emma refused to back down. She could do with her life whatever she wanted, and she wasn’t doing this with the intention to go out there and die. His worry wasn’t needless, but she thought it was more than necessary. If she could help people out doing what she wanted to do, then no one was going to stop her, not even him.
Chase's gaze broke away first, sighing as his body relaxed from its imposing stance, shoulders slumping as he looked away.
"I'm signing up whether you do or not, Chase," she clarified.
He just nodded and turned away, heading for the kitchen as he waved a hand back at her. "Sure, Emma. I'll look after your grandmother and sister for you while you're out."
She'd known he would do it anyway, but it meant so much more to hear him say it out loud. She did feel regretful about making him feel bad, it hadn't been her intent. Instead of going to talk to him, she let him have some time to cool off so she could take a quick shower and change. They were lucky the water was still working, but she wondered for how long. She'd have to find out how the water system worked somehow. Not to mention the gas lines, she wasn’t sure either could go on indefinitely, was so very thankful they still worked at all.
The kind of things she would have never had to think of before. The irony wasn’t lost on her, how she'd been a lot luckier than so many people and had only thought to complain. Merry had been right, every luxury they'd ever had was gone. Pretty soon, there might not even be food left around.
It was part of why she was going to help out. If they could somehow bring more supplies to the town, it could benefit her family in the long run.
After helping to make breakfast for Chase and the family, she took a small portion for herself and made sure the others got fed. Her family didn’t eat a lot to begin with so there wouldn’t be a problem with acclimating them to taking rations.
Emma thought a second about taking one of her parents' bikes before deciding she wasn’t going far enough to need them. Once everything was set at home, she went to sign up for the volunteering.
She stepped out of the house, and at the same time, Brian was leaving his house. She silently cursed at the bad timing, she'd been hoping to avoid him indefinitely now that his wife was around more. They couldn’t keep sneaking around, and she could only help he would get it and leave her alone as well. Even worse, he saw her before she could go back inside and wait for him to go ahead.
"Emma, hey. Where are you headed?"
She felt a ray of hope. She might not have to spend more time around him than necessary.
"I'm going to the police station to sign up for the volunteer work."
When he suddenly broke out in a grin, the hope died, shock replacing it before she scolded herself. She might think the worst of Brian because of their affair, but it didn’t mean he was actually a bad person. They'd never really talked, besides an introduction to the neighborhood and small chatting about the weather when he first moved in as Kellen's husband, who'd had the house beside theirs long before he came into the picture. Even when they started sleeping together, the only small talk between them hadn't meant much.
"Can you wait up, so we can go to the station together? I'm signing up as well."
She'd already guessed from the pleased look on his face, but she didn’t say that. He ducked back inside, and was out before she could use the time to make a quick getaway. For a moment, she wished she'd gone with her original idea to take the bike, but what if he'd followed her into the garage? Or saw she had two and borrowed the other one? She wasn’t comfortable enough to use them herself, she sure as hell didn’t want anyone else using them.
She sighed as he came up to walk beside her.
"Who's looking after your kids?"
He glanced at her, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. "Kellen is taking the opportunity away from work to spend more time with them. She's usually too busy to stick around at home, and the kids do need to know their mom."
Emma never did get that about Kellen. She was extremely nice and ready to socialize, but she couldn’t remember the last time Kellen had taken time off work to spend a day with her children. Her own daughter was weary of her because she didn’t know her mother all that well, spending a lot more time with her father who was home all day. The few times Kellen had time at home, Brianna was unloaded on Emma to look after as she went off to have fun with her husband.
She didn’t think the older woman couldn’t notice how her own daughter regarded her like a stranger, and yet, if the lights did come on, Emma knew she'd push them both, the five year old and the baby, off on the closest person and go into work, since it seemed to be her favorite activity.
She glanced at Brian beside her as they walked for a bit. He wasn’t acting like he usually did, full of confidence. Actually, if she had to name it, he was acting a little awkward. It was the last thing she would have expected from someone like Brian. Then she realized she was stereotyping him and made herself stop. He wasn’t the best husband, but she knew he was a good father and both his daughters adored him.
"So," he started, the awkward clear in his voice, and Emma could guess what he wanted to say, since there wasn’t really anything more between them. "Since Kellen is going to be home a lot more, it will make it harder for us to meet."
Unbothered by his declaration, Emma said plainly, "It doesn’t matter."
He frowned down at her. "What?"
She sent him an exasperated look, wanting to hit her head on something. She hadn't been subtle about avoiding him, and what did he think they were going to do now that they both had to be home and around their families? Why was he thinking they could still go on?
"Brian, it doesn’t matter that we can't meet anymore, because we were only having fun."
Brian actually looked shocked, stopping and putting a hand on her shoulder so she would stop with him. They were far enough away that if someone came out of either of their homes, they wouldn’t be seen, but they were still out in the open. It was the worst place for this kind of conversation, but they needed to have it sometime, and it was better than if it happened closer to home. Besides, there wasn’t anyone around.
Emma stopped, but pulled away from Brian's hand, and he dropped it, the hurt only growing on his face. It made her heart ache slightly to see it, but she wasn’t going to give him any kind of hope.
"It wasn’t just messing around for me, Emma. I have feelings for you."
She arched a disbelieving eyebrow. "Really Brian? Meeting up for sex every Tuesday night, sneaking around and hoping your wife wouldn’t notice anything. We hardly talk, and you call that having feelings for me?"
His jaw firmed. "I'm not lying, or joking. I didn’t just look around the neighborhood and decide on you randomly, or picked you because you were close by and convenient. Yeah, Emma, I have feelings for you."
Dammit.
She wanted to say the curse out loud but held herself back. They hadn't gone far and she was already feeling tired. She started walking, and it took him a moment, but he followed her until he was again walking beside her.
Had she known about this little detail, she would never have started anything with Brian. There was never any indication of it, and she wondered if he was just lying to himself. Or if she'd been that caught up in herself, her own head and her problems, that she just hadn't realized. She had been so sure that they were using each other before, but if he wasn’t lying... then it was more like she was using him, and she didn’t like that thought any better.
What kind of guy did that, though? Well, plenty of men, if the gossip she'd heard at the school staffroom was anything to go by, but still. Whether or not he was genuine, she knew they couldn’t go anywhere.
"It still doesn’t matter, Brian," she told him, resolute.
"At least tell me why," he demanded.
She felt like rolling her eyes. "If I say I have feelings for you, too, then... what? You leave your wife and kids and move next door with me, my crazy sister and my old grandmother?" She looked up at his face, seeing he looked conflicted. She just nodded, having expected it. "We didn’t have a relationship, Brian, we had an affair. One that should never have started. I know it's kind of late for me to say, but it wasn’t fare to your wife for us to do what we did, and it stops now."
It should have stopped a long time ago.
"Can I change your mind?" he sounded hopeful.
She shook her head slowly. "You have a wife, a five year old daughter, and a baby barely a year old. You have a family, Brian. You should remember that before anyone gets hurt."
"You were as up for the affair as I was," he reminded her.
"That's true," she agreed. "At the time, I was. But recent events offered a perfect chance for us to do the sensible thing and end things. I'm not going to sleep with you again, Brian, not even if you choose to leave your family. And I'm pretty sure you wouldn’t."
She waited, not looking at him, for her reply. He didn’t say more, though, just muttered something that sounded like a curse and angrily walked on ahead, moving faster than her pace so he was in front of her.
There was nothing she could do about his mood, though, and neither did she want to put up with his attitude. She'd assumed they had an agreement, even though it was a silent one. He had to have a screwed up idea of relationships to think they had one, or had a future. The sex was great, she hadn't been a virgin when she met him but she'd never been with someone that attractive, either. But she was sure, even had he been single and showed interest in something serious, Brian just wasn’t the kind of man she could fall for.
What was the point of thinking about such things in the current situation, anyway? If, by some miracle, she started dating someone, it could only lead to disappointment once things were fixed, or even if the situation was more prolonged than they hoped for. She hadn't had time for a relationship before, she sure as hell didn’t now. Need for survival and protecting her family came before anything else, and he had to be thinking the same.
The circumstances was regrettable, though. She was more disgusted with herself than she ever could be with him. But she would not have lied and gone along with him just for his sake. he didn’t care about him nearly enough for that knowing she would be the one to end up miserable, not to mention if they slipped and his family caught wind of it.
Ending things was for the best.
Emma decided she had done the right thing, despite hurting Brian's feelings.
