Emma wasn’t sure how long she lay there crying, but she must have fallen asleep at some point. She woke up feeling groggy, and when she tried to move, a sharp ache in her head made her freeze. Only, it didn’t stop, even when she lied down and she groaned, feeling miserable. It was dark anyway, so there was nowhere she was going anyway. She closed her eyes and waited for sleep to take her.
Several hours later, judging by the darkness surrounding her, she heard her door open and moved enough to see Chase enter her room. He came inside with a candle, and she had to squint and blink until her eyes adjusted to the sudden light. Her head felt a little better, and seeing him made her feel a little more energized. Emma wondered how long she'd been in her room, and why Chase was back already. But instead of voicing either thought, she just felt glad to see him.
"Hey," she murmured, moving so she was sitting upright with her pillow supporting her behind her back.
He threw her a smile, walking carefully with the candle until he put it down on her night stand. She appreciated the light, but seeing the bright flame of the candle in the corner of her vision was irritating. She couldn’t remember the last time she'd even used one of those things, and wondered where it came from. She glared at it, then made a point of looking away. Chase came to sit on the edge of the bed, looking amused, but it was more muted than his usual look.
"Hey, Emma. Sorry I'm late."
She frowned. "Late? What time is it?"
He shrugged and glanced at the candle. "I don’t know, I had a watch but it doesn’t even work. And I would have come earlier, but I thought you'd want some time to cool off."
She snorted to the understatement. You cooled off when you had a bad day, but this was so much more than that. She felt only marginally better, but she knew she couldn’t let herself think too much about it or she'd be crying again. All those people...
He reached out a hand to cup her cheek, ran a thumb under her eye. They must have been red and puffy from her crying. She covered his hand with hers and pulled it away, feeling self-conscious.
"You look like you had a rough night."
She smiled, though it felt painful. "You know me well."
He cracked a smile himself, but the look wasn’t humorous. She squirmed a little to the side, making room for him. He moved to the space she patted and they sat together. He sat on the side the candle was placed so she didn’t have to put up with it irritating her eyes.
Emma didn’t ask why he didn’t go home and stay there like she'd asked, and eventually, she leaned against him with her head on his shoulder. He shifted his arm, jostling her a bit, until he could wrap his arm around her shoulders. She could have fallen asleep like that, leaning into his warmth with the soft, warm glow in the room. Chase shifted against her, and her eyes snapped open, though she hadn't realized she'd closed them.
"You're not going to ask?" he said curiously.
Emma shrugged. "You'll tell me if you feel like it."
There was a short silence before he shifted again, crossing his outstretched legs.
"I'm scared to go home," he admitted, voice almost hushed. "After today's events... I'm not sure I can sleep by myself ever again. And I'd be alone in my place. My family lives far away and it's just my parents. But they have each other."
Emma... hadn't thought of that.
Now she felt bad. She'd forgotten that detail, yet she made him go home by himself. She was closed off in her room, but at least she knew her sister and grandmother were in the house with her, she wasn’t alone.
"Where did you go when I sent you away," she murmured, feeling a little horrified.
It was his turn to shrug, the movement disturbing her again.
"I walked around a bit. I was halfway back when I realized I really didn’t want to go back there. I had nowhere else to go, no one else I'm particularly close with. So I came here, and I waited outside the door, giving you time."
She breathed against him and closed her eyes, a shiver wracking her body at the thought of him sitting out on her doorstep, out in the dark and the cold. The thought didn’t sit well with her, neither did sending him off so he could be alone.
"Would you like to stay?" she offered readily, and felt his body stiffen.
"Emma—"
"You should stay with us until everything is sorted out," she insisted. If everything would be sorted out, she didn’t add. "You can't stay out alone at night, in the cold. If you really don’t think you can go home, then you're welcome here. Besides, my family can stand you and vice versa."
He was stiff a moment longer, then he chuckled, relaxing beside her. "Okay, then. Thank you for having me."
They'd probably have to go to his flat to get some clothes for him and other important things he might need, but for the moment, they both deserved to relax. Chase more than she did, at least she'd caught some rest, he'd been out in the cold and uncomfortable.
"You wouldn’t believe what happened when I came home," she muttered, breaking the silence.
She didn’t feel like falling asleep anymore, and just remembering made her blood boil. Chase hummed, squeezing her shoulders at the change in tone.
"What is it? Did your family worry?"
"My grandmother," she admitted. "She was waiting for me outside when I got to the house. She was crying. But then I went into the house and Merry was there... and she looked so fucking smug I wanted to punch her."
"Why?"
"She said she 'predicted' the crash. Was all for gloating about how I should have listened to her." She fisted her hands at her sides, tightened her arms around herself as she burrowed further into Chase's warmth. "I've never been that mad at her, Chase, even though I know she's mentally ill. My sister says a lot of stupid things, does things. She always has, even when I was a kid, but after the accident and losing mom and dad, she moved towards the weird. And then telling me that..."
Her voice cut off as she bit her lip and squeezed her eyes closed to keep back the tears. She didn’t want to keep crying, didn’t want to be miserable either. She wasn’t sure she could ever feel happy again, but the very least she could ask for was some peace where nothing hurt, emotionally more than physically. Then her eyes flew open, because when she closed them now, she could see. All the blood, all those people, hurt, so many lives lost... and her, somehow lucky enough to catch it ahead of time, seeing it by accident because she was unhappy with life and living. Her breath hitched, and she dug her nails deeper into her palms.
Don’t cry. You don’t deserve to, not after all the people that lost their lives, lost someone just hours ago.
She had time to grieve her parents after their passing. Occasionally it would hit her, but this wasn’t that. She couldn’t help thinking that if she'd done more, been better... warned other people when she saw the plane coming down, been more convincing somehow in that short a time. More people would have gotten away.
Even more, a thought she didn’t want to entertain but couldn’t help. What if Merry really had predicted it, if she was right and if Emma had only listened to her sooner, she would have been more prepared? She wasn’t sure but somehow, she could have made a bigger difference if she'd had more than a few minutes warning.
Chase's hand gripping her shoulder hard to the point of pain brought her back to herself. She realized she was shaking and made herself breathe, feeling the air hitch in her throat, but she managed to lighten the shaking to a light tremble.
"Emma, listen to me. No one can blame you for how you reacted—"
"But I almost hit her, would have if I hadn't run to my room instead—"
"No one," he repeated, his voice low and brooking no argument. "Especially after the day we had. Hell, I consider you stronger than me. If anyone gave me shit, after all that? Woman or no, family, friend, mentally ill or no, I would have hit them, no hesitation. I'm not as kind as you tend to be, Emma."
She could tell by his serious tone he wasn’t just saying it to make her feel better. They sat in silence until her body relaxed again. Emma rested her head back on Chase's shoulder, closing her eyes. She started to cry silently, the tears falling out of her eyes, but her body too exhausted to show it. Her body stayed relaxed, her throat felt a little itchy but she didn’t feel like breaking down sobbing. Chase didn’t even notice.
Emma gave herself a moment to pull herself together, taking a deep, shaky breath, then unfolded her arms from her chest and nudged Chase's side.
"We should try and get some sleep."
He shifted, moving his arm from her shoulders. "Should I go take the couch?"
She shook her head, gripping his shirt to stop him from leaving. "The bed is big enough, you can just stay here." Then she froze. "Grandmother..."
"Shh, it's okay. Both of them are in their own rooms now, I made sure before I came up here."
She nodded, suddenly feeling drowsy. Chase moved off the bed so he could lift the covers and got in, and Emma settled down beside him. Despite being tired, though, she couldn’t sleep. Chase seemed to instinctively know what she needed, wordlessly pulling her to his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. She went willingly and felt tension completely bleed out of her body.
Things will be better in the morning, she told herself, when I wake up.
She curled her body into Chase's and closed her eyes
Eventually, she managed to sleep. But she was woken up in the morning by a scream.
